I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
two words...techno handjob
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
