Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need moral support for this bender
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
