evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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