i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
