WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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