Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
