ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
