Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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