So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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