I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
