Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
