I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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