Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
