i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
