How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
