as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
