Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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