please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
