This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
