Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
