Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
