I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
