I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
