I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
