Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize