Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
