tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
