Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bring money and cleavage
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
