well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
