No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
