all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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