That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
