____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
