She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
