I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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