i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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