I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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