just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
