Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i think my cat just said my name.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
