perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
