dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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