Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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