I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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