Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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