he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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