yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
