You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize