Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
