I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize