I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
