i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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