yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Alive.
So much puke
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
