you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
