Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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