I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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