are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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