I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
