...so i touched it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
