im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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