Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
