Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
