Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
