I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
