wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
