I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
