Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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