Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
