Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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