Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
