Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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