i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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